A special book review for the
WOW!
WOMEN ON WRITING BLOG TOUR
Acts of Forgiveness: Faith Journeys of a Gay Priest
Ted Karpf
Foreword by Ray L. Hart
Toplight Books
ASIN: B081Y8LHZN, ISBN-10: 1476679592, ISBN-13: 9781476679594
“I have learned
that while we can’t always see the real outcomes of the victories
of our battles for justice, inclusion, acceptance, and respect, each
of us in our own way has won those liberties, not with the ease of
largesse and privilege, but with an understanding that no matter the
cost, what we did/do and why we did/do it was critical for the larger
humanity.”
Retired Episcopalian
priest Ted Karpf’s engaging memoir, Acts of Forgiveness, can
be read on several levels. First, it’s the life story of a gay man
overcoming an abusive childhood and coming out to a hostile society,
receiving some modicum of success while working during different
seasons of his life for the church, the federal government, and the
World Health Organization. Second, it can be understood as the
experiences of a social justice warrior who jumped into the early
fight to bring health and dignity to the thousands dying of HIV/AIDS
in the Dallas gay community and later to the millions infected in
South Africa and surrounding countries. Third, and perhaps most of
all, it is the journey of an individual seeing God at work in the
world and its people while accepting the fact that to have faith
doesn’t mean one will be protected from heartache, harsh
criticisms, or even tougher judgments, but knowing that one will find
love, peace, and joy along the way.
“How many times do
we forgive?”Jesus of Nazareth’s disciples asked him. He replied,
“Seventy times seven” or an infinite number of times. “Father
Friendly,” as Karpf was nicknamed, would agree, but would also
agree that forgiveness doesn’t always come quickly or easily. From
an early age, Ted knew he was different. His parents sensed his
homosexual orientation and attempted to keep him from becoming a
“sissy” through verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse.
After he left home, he found hard-won self-acceptance with the
support of his mentors during his academic years at Boston University
School of Theology. He learned to follow his heart when supporting
others and to love them unconditionally even when it hurt, a lesson
that would be tested again and again in his relationships with his
lovers, colleagues, and particularly later in life with his adult son
and daughter.
When Ted’s
marriage dissolved after he fell in love with a fellow activist and
was outed as a gay man in the paranoid climate of the late 1980s, Ted
lost his church in Dallas, St. Thomas the Apostle, a congregation
that had become particularly noteworthy for its open acceptance and
support of those afflicted with HIV/AIDS. He was fortunate that his
soon-to-be-ex-wife Kaye wanted Ted to co-parent their young children
as much as possible, but life outside of the church brought a new
chapter in his service to others and new challenges both
professionally and emotionally.
Ted’s work within
the Dallas area HIV/AIDS community had gained him the attention
of—and then a position with—the US Public Health Service as a
regional liaison specialist to call attention to the magnitude and
impact of the AIDS epidemic in five states. After three years at the
USPHS, Ted returned to AIDS advocacy within the Episcopal Church in
the Washington DC diocese. From there he was called to serve the
Anglican Community in South Africa in the 1990s where the spread of
HIV/AIDS had become a tragedy of almost unimaginable proportions. His
service there was praiseworthy and necessary, but then it was
terminated abruptly and he was falsely accused of a crime that he
could have never committed.
Ted was eventually
exonerated—through the testimony of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, among
others—but once again he found himself seeking a way to forgive and
move on and to serve humanity, which eventually he did through the
auspices of the Diplomatic Corp of the United Nation’s World Health
Organization. He advocated strongly for the “3 by 5” program, a
program to reach 3 million needing treatment out of the estimated 6
million infected with HIV/AIDS globally by 2005. The goal was
obtained by 2006 and saved literally millions in developing world.
Ted worked tirelessly from Geneva until his retirement from WHO
in 2010.
“May I die in your
church?”
A man covered with
lesions from Kaposi’s sarcoma and suffering from tuberculosis and
the severe wasting associated with AIDS walked into Ted’s church
office in 1985 making that simple request. “Everything in my life
before that moment paled,” Ted states, “The desperate sincerity
of the question combined with his grim motivation resonated deeply
within me.” The acceptance of death in the midst of day-to-day
existence is a recurring theme throughout Ted’s life, be it the
death of friendships, of work relationships, or most poignantly, of
an ailing stranger or a dear loved one.
From the earliest
days of the AIDS epidemic, Ted has sat by more bedsides and performed
more funerals of individuals, some cruelly rejected by their own kin,
than perhaps any other priest. He also sat by the side of his
mother as she lay dying, forgiving and loving her in spite of his unhappy childhood
experiences. Ted has been there for many others in
their time of personal tragedy, a source of comfort and advice, but
he is quick to note that he isn’t always as accepting of loss as he
could be.
After his abrupt
dismissal from his position in South Africa, Ted felt directionless
and decided to accept an offer to walk the Camino de Santiago
in Spain. He didn’t want to go at first, but a series of
coincidences finally convinced him that going on a pilgrimage was
exactly what he needed. Hiking the 800 km trail, Ted experienced
blisters and then found God along the way in the way the Creator worked
in the lives of his fellow sojourners. An impromptu baptism of a pilgrim
in the fountain at
Santiago at the end of the journey brought his life into sharp focus.
Ted reconfirmed his service to humanity by demonstrating
God’s love through his calling as a priest and advocate for
all who are in need.
Perhaps the greatest
act of forgiveness is the one we grant ourselves when we discover
and re-affirm our own purpose in the eternal dance of life and death. Ted's story bears witness to this truth.
About
the Author: Ted Karpf
Ted
Karpf is a priest, public servant, international diplomat,
journalist, university administrator and educator. He was educated in
New York, Texas and Massachusetts. A gay man, Ted is a father and
grandfather. He has been and remains a man who reflects the times in
which he has lived while offering a hopeful vision for the future.
Ted watches clouds and tests the winds and prays while residing in
Santa Fe, New Mexico.
