Acts of Forgiveness

A special book review for the  
WOW! WOMEN ON WRITING BLOG TOUR

Acts of Forgiveness: Faith Journeys of a Gay Priest
Ted Karpf
Foreword by Ray L. Hart
Toplight Books
ASIN: B081Y8LHZN, ISBN-10: 1476679592, ISBN-13: 9781476679594

“I have learned that while we can’t always see the real outcomes of the victories of our battles for justice, inclusion, acceptance, and respect, each of us in our own way has won those liberties, not with the ease of largesse and privilege, but with an understanding that no matter the cost, what we did/do and why we did/do it was critical for the larger humanity.”

Retired Episcopalian priest Ted Karpf’s engaging memoir, Acts of Forgiveness, can be read on several levels. First, it’s the life story of a gay man overcoming an abusive childhood and coming out to a hostile society, receiving some modicum of success while working during different seasons of his life for the church, the federal government, and the World Health Organization. Second, it can be understood as the experiences of a social justice warrior who jumped into the early fight to bring health and dignity to the thousands dying of HIV/AIDS in the Dallas gay community and later to the millions infected in South Africa and surrounding countries. Third, and perhaps most of all, it is the journey of an individual seeing God at work in the world and its people while accepting the fact that to have faith doesn’t mean one will be protected from heartache, harsh criticisms, or even tougher judgments, but knowing that one will find love, peace, and joy along the way.

“How many times do we forgive?”Jesus of Nazareth’s disciples asked him. He replied, “Seventy times seven” or an infinite number of times. “Father Friendly,” as Karpf was nicknamed, would agree, but would also agree that forgiveness doesn’t always come quickly or easily. From an early age, Ted knew he was different. His parents sensed his homosexual orientation and attempted to keep him from becoming a “sissy” through verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse. After he left home, he found hard-won self-acceptance with the support of his mentors during his academic years at Boston University School of Theology. He learned to follow his heart when supporting others and to love them unconditionally even when it hurt, a lesson that would be tested again and again in his relationships with his lovers, colleagues, and particularly later in life with his adult son and daughter.

When Ted’s marriage dissolved after he fell in love with a fellow activist and was outed as a gay man in the paranoid climate of the late 1980s, Ted lost his church in Dallas, St. Thomas the Apostle, a congregation that had become particularly noteworthy for its open acceptance and support of those afflicted with HIV/AIDS. He was fortunate that his soon-to-be-ex-wife Kaye wanted Ted to co-parent their young children as much as possible, but life outside of the church brought a new chapter in his service to others and new challenges both professionally and emotionally.

Ted’s work within the Dallas area HIV/AIDS community had gained him the attention of—and then a position with—the US Public Health Service as a regional liaison specialist to call attention to the magnitude and impact of the AIDS epidemic in five states. After three years at the USPHS, Ted returned to AIDS advocacy within the Episcopal Church in the Washington DC diocese. From there he was called to serve the Anglican Community in South Africa in the 1990s where the spread of HIV/AIDS had become a tragedy of almost unimaginable proportions. His service there was praiseworthy and necessary, but then it was terminated abruptly and he was falsely accused of a crime that he could have never committed.

Ted was eventually exonerated—through the testimony of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, among others—but once again he found himself seeking a way to forgive and move on and to serve humanity, which eventually he did through the auspices of the Diplomatic Corp of the United Nation’s World Health Organization. He advocated strongly for the “3 by 5” program, a program to reach 3 million needing treatment out of the estimated 6 million infected with HIV/AIDS globally by 2005. The goal was obtained by 2006 and saved literally millions in developing world. Ted worked tirelessly from Geneva until his retirement from WHO in 2010.

“May I die in your church?”

A man covered with lesions from Kaposi’s sarcoma and suffering from tuberculosis and the severe wasting associated with AIDS walked into Ted’s church office in 1985 making that simple request. “Everything in my life before that moment paled,” Ted states, “The desperate sincerity of the question combined with his grim motivation resonated deeply within me.” The acceptance of death in the midst of day-to-day existence is a recurring theme throughout Ted’s life, be it the death of friendships, of work relationships, or most poignantly, of an ailing stranger or a dear loved one.

From the earliest days of the AIDS epidemic, Ted has sat by more bedsides and performed more funerals of individuals, some cruelly rejected by their own kin, than perhaps any other priest. He also sat by the side of his mother as she lay dying, forgiving and loving her in spite of his unhappy childhood experiences. Ted has been there for many others in their time of personal tragedy, a source of comfort and advice, but he is quick to note that he isn’t always as accepting of loss as he could be.

After his abrupt dismissal from his position in South Africa, Ted felt directionless and decided to accept an offer to walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain. He didn’t want to go at first, but a series of coincidences finally convinced him that going on a pilgrimage was exactly what he needed. Hiking the 800 km trail, Ted experienced blisters and then found God along the way in the way the Creator worked in the lives of his fellow sojourners. An impromptu baptism of a pilgrim in the fountain at Santiago at the end of the journey brought his life into sharp focus. Ted reconfirmed his service to humanity by demonstrating God’s love through his calling as a priest and advocate for all who are in need.

Perhaps the greatest act of forgiveness is the one we grant ourselves when we discover and re-affirm our own purpose in the eternal dance of life and death. Ted's story bears witness to this truth.

About the Author: Ted Karpf

Ted Karpf is a priest, public servant, international diplomat, journalist, university administrator and educator. He was educated in New York, Texas and Massachusetts. A gay man, Ted is a father and grandfather. He has been and remains a man who reflects the times in which he has lived while offering a hopeful vision for the future. Ted watches clouds and tests the winds and prays while residing in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

You can find Ted at his website https://www.tedkarpf.com/

Acts of Forgiveness is now available to purchase on Amazon.com, Target.com, and Barnes and Noble.